On the Verge of Ranting

My brain is on the verge of exploding, it is so exhausted and has so much to say but it can’t. Nothing is coherently flowing, just a garbled mess of thoughts connecting from one issue to the next in a very obscure way. I’m just tired, but feel like putting together a list of both, my frustrations, happiness and the meh gray area.

This blog has been utterly unused the last little while, not that that means I’ve calmed down, hardly, it just means I’m using the passion to fire other projects.

So much so that now, when I want to have my thoughts placed in front of me, I can barely grasp what fired me up in the first place. I have been busy and I seem to still not be able to say no and continue to put to much on my plate.

Work has kept me busy, school has kept me busy, and I count every single one of my lucky stars and blessings that I am busy in both fields.

In one of my classes I’ve been reading Tess of the D’Urbervilles which is how Twilight in a real world, with better writing, would have turned out. It’s a trajedy, a very well written trajedy and only makes me more frustrated because it does take place in a time when Feminism didn’t exist. The Victorian era is an absolute conundrum to me, and I can’t believe a people could be so hoity toity. So as I continue to read this book I voice my problems and issues to Ryan while he calms me down by letting me know what really is backwards thinking and what isn’t.

For example a guy does something and expects the girl to forgive him but she has no control and something is done to her that she can’t help and he won’t forgive her. I’d like to skewer anyone who can think that this is ok and I get even angrier when this fault is why he falls in love with her in the first place.

It’s a book that makes me hate men, and women who put up with abuse and mistreatment. Not only that, but its put a fire in my belly that I haven’t been able to stop, I’m just angry this week and I do blame the book.

The professor hates the heroine and says that once people can come to terms with hating her, the book becomes much more likeable. So I very very much so hate the book, the main character, the hypocritical men and all other aspects of the book. If the book does end happily I will throw a fit. In short, I don’t think any of the men, or women in the book deserve to be happy. And if I ever encounter someone who reminds me of these characters with their many shortcomings I believe I will hate the person.

Which brings me to my next point, I’m so tired of receiving notice at big gatherings where people say they miss me so much and wish we got together more, and its because I feel, that’s right feel so you can’t disagree with my feeling, that they then put all responsibility of not seeing me on me. I can’t and won’t subscribe to that way of thinking and think its highly idiotic to tell a person that you wish you saw them more, if you don’t call, text, or e-mail them. But it gets better, if they said that once every 6 months or so I could careless but it happens EVERY time I see them, which is much more than once every 6 months.

Also, I am sick of people double booking their evenings and jumping from one event to the next. Why can’t you just pick one and genuinely enjoy being there? Perhaps we are just in very different places in life, which is ok, but I’d rather be cancelled on than have a pity visit.

I guess what it comes down to is I’m still sick of people being fake and social niceties.

Then I hate arriving somewhere and people waiting till just after I get there to take off, I’d rather be told not to go and not waste my time which is incredibly valuable to me.

I’m dizzy from this week and it doesn’t even feel like next week is spring break, I’m tired and maybe a week free from classes (but not homework) will improve my mood, but I am so tired of so called friends doing all of the above and in every sense of the word acting like the dumb characters from the book aforementioned.

Can’t I just be who I am instead of playing the social niceties game? Perhaps this is just Ryan rubbing off on me, but what a more exhilarating way to live, where I am who I am in all circles of life. This vent has been a long time coming.